ChaoZ: A Royal pain in the elves.

(I did, algebra keeps making me multiply when I see a one rather than add.)


"Wow, took you long enough. Jeez man."

The bounty hunter got outta bed and rushed to the stables to greet Fluffy with bacon. Running into the door (but not breaking it)

"OH. Pull door. Kay"

Jex suited up. Dagger in his belt, a bow around his chest, arrows awkwardly wrapped in cloth behind him, and staff in his right hand.

"So where is he off to?"

"THE JOKE IS ON YOU, I"VE BEEN AWAKE THE WHOLE TIME."


*Batteries Low. Power Saver Mode Activating*


The Robot's eyes dimmed and its posture began slouching


"God dam-"



*Unit SCOT-T74797 has been muted. Powering down.*

"As always at least one of you is useless." Riaden sighed at the robot.

Az and Ziome came out of their room together. They had already been up for a while. With the whole group, minus depowered Scott, together again they discussed the situation and plans at breakfast.


"The prince is Ten miles north of here. Just past those woods. His men have made camp near an ancient temple. Or at least what remains of it. I counted 200 men. The smart thing to do would be to sneak in undetected and take out the prince." Riaden said while eating a taco.


"Our objective is to find the king before the prince does. Not to murder the prince.." Az reminded him.


"Taking out the prince would make things less complicated." Riaden insisted.
Az sighed. "Do you really think the royal family will be happy we killed the heir? Now that we know the prince's location we just need to know where he's going and get there before he does. And then get the king back before the prince finds out."


"Whatever. Anyway the robot stays here. He'll just slow us down anyway."


"Or we can have fluffy carry him. I'm sure we can reach the camp in time that way."

Riaden didn't reply, he just got up and headed out. Az had Ziome pay for the meal and followed Riaden. "Rol, you tie Scott to fluffy. And don't take too long, I have the feeling Riaden isn't gonna wait for the rest of us." She glared at Riaden, obviously not happy with his attitude.

Ziome payed for the breakfast and followed her mistress and Riaden into the woods.

"Aye aye Cap'n. And obviously he wouldn't. HE IS LIGHTNING YO."

Rol defended Riaden, mainly simply to antagonize Az a little as he lost his chance to when he agreed to her 'order'.

"FLUFFY. CARRY THE RUSTY BOLT BUCKET AND I'LL GET YOU MORE BACON." The bounty screamed while strapping the robot on to his Manticore. 

"How do we find out where the prince is going... IS SOMEONE GONNA GO IN THE CAMP AND SEDUCE THE INFORMATION OUT OF HIM? I VOLUNTEER TO BE TRIBUTE." He yelled, assuming his allies could hear him from the forest.

"Rol, I know you've always wanted to be a princess but unfortunatly you lack the qualifications. Besides, the chance of the prince falling for your charms is fifty fifty at best. We'll need a better plan." Az responded with a chuckle.



"No need, I already have a plan. I sneak in, gather information and sneak out. You guys try to stay out of trouble. If you get caught I'm not gonna come and save your asses."
Riaden said while leading the group through the forest.


"You do realize that the chance that we get caught are rather big, right? It's not like we blend in as easily as you do. Although I'm not sure if that's because of your assassin skills or because you're just as much of a dick as those elves that they don't notice the difference. Anyway, this isn't a solo mission Riaden. We're here to help, stop treating us like we're obstacles." 


"I would if you weren't in my way all the time."

Az's hands lit up as flames appeared in them. "Say that again if you dare."

Ziome backed away from Riaden and her mistress Knowing it wasn't safe to stand too close.

Rol, slightly offended by Az's lack of faith in his abilities of seduction, he was familiar with the ways of a harem girl, he was friends with some, stayed quiet during most of the dispute between Az and Riaden until it almost became physical.

"CHILDREN, CHILDREN. Enough with your lovers quarrel... Which in no way could be a lovers quarrel since one of you is a flaming lesbian and the other probably is less than impressive in bed because, y'know fast as lightning. Hooray for puns. "

The bounty hunter smirked, large enough you could see the wrinkles in his facemask. "And if a fight's starting I'm joining and I'll make sure it's big and flashy so they notice us and capture our shit.. Wooo."


Regardless of Roltharus' surprisingly productive intent, his tone, as per usual simply sounded like an excited fourteen year old who just saw his first pair of breasts.

Az's flames died out and she shook her head. "Dear Ashera, what has Val come to if Roltharus starts making sense. Be warned assassin, next time you won't be so lucky. Kenichi put you in charge, so you'd better do your job properly."


"Fine, we'll do it your way Witch. Follow me, I know a way to sneak into their camps undetected. As long as you guys don't do anything too loud or visible." Riaden lead them quietly to a cave. "We could use a fire, for this cave is dark and full of spoilers. But it leads to the temple in the middle of the prince's camp."


"Spoilers?"


"That's what I said, yes. Spoilers."

Az lit a will'o'wisp or six and made them hover in front of each member. Illuminating the dark cave before them.

"CAR PARTS? WOOT."

The caps really being unnecessary as Roltharus was still whispering, but you know that scream whispering? That's still quieter than normal talking, but you can tell it's screaming just from the one? Yeah, like that. 

The bounty hunter then saw the wisp in front of him.

"Oooooooh. Pretty...." 

Jex walked behind the group, staff in his hand. He listened at the bickering, deciding not to speak. He had agreed with Riaden, after all. Feeling as if it would have been better off if the group stayed far off just in case something went wrong and they needed to flee. After all, Riaden would be fine sneaking in by himself. Neither was he a fan of doing work and if Riaden went it, all they had to do was sit down and be quiet.

"So anyone wanna give me a step-by-step of exactly what we're gonna do if your glorious plan goes to garbage?"

"No, not car parts. Monsters."

"We get the hell out of there if anything goes wrong. And blow up this cave behind us."

Suddenly the group hears a sound. It seems to be coming from deeper within the cave. The echoing of the sound makes it hard to pin point. "shashashashaa" It slowly gets louder.


"Oh great here come the spoilers."

Riaden and Az pull out their weapons. Out of the Darkness a big red orb with only two arms and a giant mouth filled with human like teeth flies towards the group. More of them seem to be coming from all directions. But the darkness makes it impossible to tell how many there are.


"shashashasnapekillsdumbledorshashasha"

(OOOOH. The punage.)


Rol fell to his knees, screaming in horror.

"NOOOO. I DIDN'T FINISH THE SERIES YET. ARGGGHHH"

The spoiler managed to incapacitate the bounty hunter with a rather inane statement.

Az sets the spoiler on fire but it doesn't die. "ShashashaSoylentgreenispeopleShashasha."
More of the creatures jump out and attack the group, slapping them with their oversized hands while yelling random spoilers.
"ShaShashaItwasEarthallalongshashasha"

Riaden could barely dodge them because the cave was too narrow. He hit some with his electricity and paralyzed them but they didn't stay down long. "These are high leveled spoilers!"
"ShashashashaCuccosurvivedthechaosdimensionandisnowevilShashasha"
Ziome tried brushing them off with her broom but their thin arms stretched and grabbed her ass. "Ayeeee!!"


"ShashashashaDarthVaderisluke'sfathershashasha"

"I've read enough hentai to see where this is going." Rol groaned, seeing his guild participate in such a stereotypical hentai situation was unnerving, but it also snapped him out of his spoiler shock. 

The bounty hunter crafted a pole from shadows and swung at the nearest Spoiler. "ShashashashaRosebudisasledshashasha.. female dog" 

Jex wound back and swung the metal staff forward towards a spoiler.


"IF ANY OF THEM SAY ANY SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS I'M LEAVING RIGHT NOW."

He pointed at a cluster of spoilers and chanted.

"Sagitta Magica! Series Lucis!"

Emitting bolts of light energy toward the monster things.

The spoiler that Rol attacked flew back into another spoiler and both of them bounced away. Creating a chain reaction of bouncing spoilers.


"ShashashaAdachiisthekillershashasha"

Az grabbed her talking sword (who was not allowed to talk) and slashed it at a spoiler.But before she managed to hit it she was hit herself, by a bouncing spoiler. She got knocked against the hard floor and her sword slipped from her hands. "fucking hel."


"shashashaaprincehaskingsbloodtooshashasha"

Jex's light bolts seemed to do even less damage than Az's fireballs. But at least they did some damage. Meanwhile Fluffy was tearing up several spoilers. Their attacks don't seem to work on manticores.


"ShashashaNedStarkdiesshashasha"

Ziome threw an explosive potion at one of the spoilers but it just ate it and burped out the explosion. Riaden could hardly move so his speed was useless. He got knocked around by the slapping hands. "We ne- we need, ... to .. clear a.. fucking.. Path through these... fucking spoilers! Everybody focus on one direction and attack while running! Everyo-"
A bouncing spoiler hits riaden in the face.


"ShashashaOneofyouwilldieonthisRPshashasha"

"What the hell, they spoilered reality? That seems improbable."


Rol looked towards Fluffy how was ravaging spoilers, but like, not sexually. 

"Good boy. We'll get you more bacon later. Sooo did anyone else catch those spoilers? Or?"

Rol materialized the shadows of Fluffy's wings and used them to fling nearby spoilers away, attempting to clear the path Riaden wanted.

"Are they weak against physical attacks or what?"

Jex started frantically batting his staff around. However, he could not see very well and left it to luck that he did not hit any of his allies.

"Physical attacks do seem to be working better. Maybe we should stick to melee attacks."
Ziome answered Jex.

Rol and Jex's attacks were working  and slowly they managed to push back the Spoilers. Az grabbed her talking sword Kai (Who wasn't allowed to talk, ever.) and joined the assault without using magic. Ziome joined right behind her and used her broom to litterally brush off the spoilers.
Riaden charged through them using his speed to hit harder and together the group managed to burst through.
They reached a large metal door and closed it behind them, trapping the spoilers in the cave.


".. We somehow made it. We're in the ruins, The prince should be somewhere in here."

Az sent out her will-o-wisps and lit the torches, illuminating the ruins. These ruins were ancient, the walls were full of cracks and even more full of dust. Nobody had been down here for a long time.


"Let's go find him then."

Fluffy was still chewing on a spoilers tongue. For some reason he had followed the group even though he was not on his leash. Probably because of the food they provided.

"So, who do you think is gonna die?"

Rol asked non-nonchalantly, while petting Fluffy.

"I'm not wearing red so I should be all good."

Jex glanced around and started walking forward. The place was... Well, in ruins. Debris on the floor, dust, the works. He picked up a pebble and threw it as hard as he could forward, deeper into the ruins.

"So how do we find him?"

"I heard some guards say he was going to the bottom of this place. They were wondering what the hell he was gonna do there."


"Well I guess we're going down too then. I doubt this place has an elevator so let's look for stairs that go down."


"..Wearing red? What does that have to do with dying?" Ziome asked while looking at her own clothes, she was wearing quite a bit of red herself. This worried her even though she wasn't sure why it would.


"Don't listen to Jex Dear, he's spouting nonsense. You're perfectly safe as long as I'm around."

The group started walking down the ancient ruins until they came upon another corridor to the left.


"Hmm, do we keep going straight ahead or?"

"IS NO ONE GOING TO RESPOND TO THE FACT THE SPOILERS HAVE SAID THINGS OF IMPORTANCE. OR DOES MY CRAZY MAKE ME THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD?"

Rol yelled, distraught by the lack of concern his clan mates held. He did not want to be the guy who died.

"I'm pretty sure Jex's red shirt response was related to the spoilers. And by extension, so was Ziome's worrying. Anyway, nobody is going to die. Spoilers only say nonsense anyway, what even is a dumbledore?"


"Honestly I don't even care if you guys die."


"You're an asshole, you know that Riaden?"

He shrugs off the insult. Meanwhile Ziome is holding on to her broom, somehow Az's words did not soothe her worries. "Anyway,  straight ahead.. I think."


"You think?.. Way to go leader. You don't even know where we're going."

"Well, judging by how well this is going, I can assure that ALL OF US ARE GOING TO DIE. Fucking Victory, amirite?"

Rol covered his mask, which was covering his mouth, with his hand and yawned. 

"Well, on the off chance the spoilers meant anything, Cole's got them memorized, so my stupidity is immortalized. Now Let's uh............... What are we doing again? Finding a prince in another castle?"